"Life Rebounds"

As I mentioned in my last post, life has been like a whirlwind for me over the past several months.  Like a garden that needs weeded, I need to deal with the muck from the dark corners of my life that invade the healthy parts like cancer.  I have to say I have a good start and tonight actually going to see a counselor as well.  I figure it cannot hurt and may actually help me deal with issues that I may need a little help facing.

But speaking of actual gardening, we are well into Spring and our garden is ready for planting.  The weather has been gorgeous lately and it is time to put some seeds or seedlings out and let the journey of life take it's course and produce some fruits of the earth.  

This year it won't be a huge garden as too many other things are going on, but a small one and hopefully we will get some good vegetables from it as well.  We are both doing good with loosing some weight, and no better way than eating fresh vegetables from your own garden and no GMO either.  We know what we are growing.

Another thing I am working on is clearing things out of the house that I no longer need.  Just too much stuff bogging down our life, and I am slowly but surely working on that and hopefully before long will plan a yard sale.

It is a fact, planning out some structure in life always seems to work best.  Will life always follow the structure?  No, but at least there is a guideline.

Feeding the spirit

Life has a way for kicking you on your ass.  Like a garden left and unattended, weeds take over and eventually overruns the garden.  My life has been over the past year, much like a garden overrun with weeds, yet there has been enormous strides in clearing the weeds from my inner garden.  Of course like anything else in life, once we start getting on track, something always throws a wrench in the middle of everything and sort makes a mess to be cleared up.

Recently someone came back into my life after 42 years and sort of opened my eyes and I started to realize that I have been suppressing a huge part of my being.  Now I find myself trying to figure out what I am suppose to do that is the right thing for me and what path or direction I need to go in my life.

It seems to always be something.  But one thing is for sure, life is not boring and the universe certainly seems to give you a lesson in what you need.

What I do know is I need to nurture myself and accept nurturing from others.  Like a garden needs nutrients, so does the soul and the spirit.  Who will nurture me?

Thanksgiving Day

I haven't written anything for a long time, as many months I felt as though my garden of life was in a drought. Every day things in my life just had seemed to be lacking life and quite honestly I was in the mid of a deep depression for many months. To top it off, I have not been happy in my work, although grateful for a job during this economy, it is not happy work and the people I work with are not very nice, making it miserable to be there. Then I would come home, and my marriage had hit a rough spot as well, leaving me with a trapped feeling and no where to go to be or feel that I had a safe peaceful haven. Then the icing on the cake, I started having severe heart palpitations and extreme vertigo, not to mention suffering from exhaustion.

So from June until November, life was pretty hard to take, but things have started to turn the corner a little. My job still sucks, but Vito and I are getting along better and that makes it nice to be home. I would still love to be living in Santa Fe or somewhere that I like better, but if I must be in Jersey, at least being home is more pleasant as it should be.

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have been thinking a lot about all the things I have to be thankful for, and there is great deal. Vito went last week with Giancarlo to feed the homeless, and we are going to start going every other Sunday. We are collecting coats and sweaters as there is an entire homeless tent city in Camden, all ages of people with no food, no home, very little to keep them warm. It is a sin that there are so many people in the world in this situation. I want to do something, and charity starts at home and in your own community. So today I feel very thankful to have a wonderful dinner, a warm house, decent clothing, family and friends, a wonderful little dog, and a job. No matter how much I'd rather have a different job, it is a job none the less and it puts money in the bank every week.

So, my life like a garden, needed tending, needed to be nurtured and that I started to do and I feel my life is flourishing with blessings today.

Michael Jackson

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day and I certainly miss my father. But it doesn't take a special day for me to miss Daddy, I miss him every day. It's hard to believe that it has been 12 years since he passed away. It just goes to show how quickly time flies by and it is a reminder that we need to nurture the relationships that is important to us as they will not always be there.

I am constantly aware that time is slipping by quickly and there is still so much that I want to do. I keep wishing that Vito would quite this foolishness about being president of his Italian club. It takes so much time and I believe it is only feeding his ego and that is what it really is about. I don't have a problem with him belonging to a cultural club, but this involves me and so much time, energy and ultimately money is spent on nothing in reality. Does any of those people really care? NO! Would they be there for him in an emergency or sickness? NO! Yet he puts all this time in and for what? Only to wake up down the road and then we will be too old to do anything. I really despise this club as I feel it is robbing me of valuable time in my life.

I think about those things as I remember Daddy telling me how in a flash, you are old and too old and sick to do the things you want to do. Here I am, wasting my life so Vito can feed his ego. Something is seriously wrong with this picture.

Instead, we should be nurturing our life together and really thinking about our future and where we should go from here.

Our house looks about as good as it is ever going to look and we pay such high taxes here, we could probably sell this place and move somewhere where we could enjoy life, and not just be a slave to a house and a club.

To bad my husband would rather nurture a fantasy instead of reality. Too bad we don't take care of each other as well as we take care of our yard.

Blueberries

It has rained for the past few weeks and although I have been worried about my garden getting waterlogged, the blueberries have been loving it. Yesterday, I went out during a brief break in the weather and picked berries from the bushes a second time this year.

The berries are plump and sweet and I love them. Not only are they tasty but they are so good for us as well.

So as one could imagine, I have been eating these things until my teeth look dingy. Even my Hannah, my dog has been eating them and she loves them too. Vito didn't even want dinner last night, he wanted cereal with blueberries.

Today we bottled wine with big Mike. That was fun and of course we had a good bit of wine drink as well. Vito had a little much and he has been snoozing it off for a while.

So I decided that since there were so my blueberries, I needed to do something with them, so I made a pie this afternoon. My house still smells wonderful, with the scent of hot blueberry pie.

I started thinking about how wonderful my berries are and really everything we grow. There is no surprise as we tend to our fruit and vegetables, weeding the garden, giving it plenty of compost for nutrients, and of course making sure it gets plenty of water. Isn't it ashamed people don't often tend to their relationships as well? Think how they would flourish if people tended to other people with such love.

Well it's time to go eat a little blueberry pie.

Still Raining

I got home from work a little early today.

Vito has gone to NYC with Susan and Sharon for a trade show and I have the house to myself for two days. I would like to have gone with them in one way, but I really need my personal and private space every once in while, which I don't seem to get enough of.

So after coming, I took Hannah out for a little walk and then I thought I would repot the Japanese Maple seedlings that I have been pampering for the past several weeks. I managed to report about a dozen of them, and then it started to rain. Now I love the rain and my garden certainly needs it, but really, enough is enough. I am beginning to wonder if we are ever going to have summer. It has rained pretty much for the past couple of weeks and now it is starting to effect my mood. Not to mention that my garden is getting boggy and the plants need a little sunshine too.

Oh well, I am just going to have to do something enjoyable indoors.

Today is Pat's birthday. I wonder if she and I will ever live close together. We have talked about it for years, but it could just be fantasy and wishful thinking. I don't dislike my home here, it is just that I have never connected with anyone here in New Jersey that is on my wave-length. The people that I seem to be attracted to for friendship that thinks the way I do, all seem to live in either the Southwest or the Northwest. There must be some reason God has put me on the east coast. Just can't figure out why.

Oh well. Everyday can't be our best. We must have some that we feel a little low and today is it. I just feel restless, not happy with work and I am sure that is a big part of it.

I dreamed about Daddy night before last. I can't stop thinking about that either. I never dream of him even though I wish I would. It was actually early in the morning and my alarm clock went off and I had to get up for work. I really didn't want to as the dream seemed so real, like he was really here. I wish that would happen more often.